Today I am at a pretty rough place and trying hard to push through and be real enough to own it and walk through it. I think this is the point that in my first divorce I made tons of bad choices that led me down a road that I can't afford to go down. I didn't feel all of this pain and heartache the first time because #1 I coped with alcohol and sex and just so many inappropriate ways to "deal" when truely I wasn't dealing at all. #2 I coped with a relationship occupying my time with someone else that took my mind off of the situation and allowed me to feel wanted and accepted. When the truth is it hurt me more because I wasn't dealing with what my heart was feeling and the pain it had to go through to heal. So I only endured more heart ache when that relationship obviously didn't work out.
So today I am stuck hurting beyond belief knowing that the only way to heal is to go through it each day at a time feeling all of it. It would of course be easy to say "he's doing it why can't I" truth is in the end I want to be different and so to be different I have to act different. Satan would love to use this opprotunity to overcome me and crush all that Christ has been doing in my life lately. I refuse to take the easy road though.
Yesterday, someone reffered to me as a flower that was blossoming (sp) and I take pride in that. Only because that means that people are being able to see Christ in me and at the end of the day I want to be as Christlike as possible. So that all of this pain and heartache of my trial is not in vain but that Christ may use me to reach others.
Am I saying I don't have fleshly moments, NO absolutely not. I want to scream and cry and say ugly things. I want to break things and run away at times. When I think that all the way through though I realize that my ruining my testamoney or going back to my old ways only harms me and those involved get exactly what they have been waiting for. THIS IS WHERE I KNOW I AM DIFFERENT! So yes, I will hurt for now but in the end I will have blossomed and God will use me.
About Me
- Andrea
- I am first and foremost a daughter of the King. A believer in miracles. A prime example of change. I am adored and loved by the one person who will NEVER stop loving me. I am humbled and grateful. More than anything though, I am awe-struck at my relationship with Christ and honored to serve Him as my Abba Father. I have nothing to lose and everything to gain at this point in my life.
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