Failure

This past Wednesday, T.J. asked us a question. What does failure look like to us? I have thought alot about that since then. I feel like a failure every day right now, in so many ways. I am in my second failed marriage that at the end of the day ended the same way (how we got there different but the end still the same). This alone confirms to me my biggest fear that anyone is capable of anything and that in the end love is not enough. I right now have two kids crying for something I can't give them and may never be able to give them. Andrew not sleeping well unless he is in the bed with me and entering a new world all together, Alex angry and has her own feelings of failure that are so false. I can not find a job after weeks of looking. The urge in the pit of my stomache to just screw it and give up, take what the world has to offer and go with it. I can't get the last bit of weight off the right way and I know that in itself is a test that I may fail at. People commenting on things I say as if they know both sides of this story. Anger inside of me that just wants to errupt into someone I don't want to be. The feeling as though I want to run as fast as I can and for as long as I can and NEVER look back. I want to go inside my house with my kids and not be around anyone who can hurt me or them EVER AGAIN. Tell me this isn't failure!
I know none of this is very "christian" but this is truth, authenticity. This is how I feel, don't judge me people. Most of you have never been in this place I am in and have no clue what you would or wouldn't do or say. I am doing the best I can and today is just not a good day, I feel like a failure.