Letting Go

Accepting total responsibility for what is presently happening in your life and becoming 100 percent accountable for your future choices, actions and behaviors is huge in letting go. We can get a good start by pulling from the past with all its disappointments, regrets, and heartache, but then step out in faith and let go. I know this is the place I am at in my life. Letting go, to even hear those two words is painful. I know though that I am going to be no good to the cause and my purpose here if I don't. This situation is pulling me down and hindering me from moving forward in God's best for my life. I have lived my life for many years now "safe" not believing that God would cover my sin and allow me to heal from my past. Too scared to take a risk and thinking I had no choice in the matter "stuck". Isa. 43:18-19 says 18) “But forget ALL THAT, it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. 19) For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland. (NLT)
My heart aches for portions of what I am leaving behind. BUT portions are not enough. I don't want to settle and except just enough any longer. I know that in the future, God's plan for me is one that includes a fearless leader because Christ is his foundation. A man who joys over not only me but my children. I know that His plan more currently include a job with good income that I can provide for me and the kids and not need to rely on others at the same time being able to hold my head high knowing that I waited on His best. I know that God's plan includes ministry work for me whether it be a wife to a minister, a missionary to a foreign country or a platform being able to share my story to girls and ladies who have been in my same situations. I don't know exactly. I do know though that through my faithfulness and patience He will make my direction clear.
I once heard that you could fill your hand with sand and squeeze your hand as tight as possible so that you don't loose any sand but you could hold onto so much more sand if you would just us both hands and let the excess slip away. This is a good picture of where I am today. I have tried so hard for weeks now to hold on to that little bit of sand that I thought I couldn't live without. Instead of this very exhausting and dead end roller coaster ride, I want the abundant life that God has for me overflowing with joy and inner peace because I was able to let the rest go.
Please do not get me wrong, what I am letting go of is very dear to me and if there was any way I could hold onto it and still achieve all that God has for me I would. This is not currently possible though. I realize now that holding on to this will only bring me down because I need for all of my being to know that God is capable of amazing things if WE move out of the way and get over what WE cant overcome.
So in letting go I am loosing people I love and all that I hoped in at one time. What I am gaining though is a future that is bright and endless. My goals and my standards for myself are set high. I know without a doubt what I want in life and in my relationships and will not settle. I am gaining self confidence and hope. Hope for more. More out of myself and my relationships with others. Hope in Christ, that He alone will supply all of my needs. Love, Security, Identity, Companionship, Friendship, Fatherhood and Intimacy.
All along He wanted me to seek after Him, to trust that He alone would take care of me. When everyone else has failed me and turned their backs, HE still stood waiting for me to come to Him. What an amazing God we serve. He simply wants us to allow Him to love us, receive His love. Because I believe in ALL that He promises, I will be but a servant to His plans for me. GOD SEND ME, for I am letting go of all I had hoped for in this world. I am yours to the ends of the earth or here in our small town, just use me.
Eph. 3:20 says : Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.
How awesome, His plans include somethings that are even more than what our minds can grasp at this current time if we can just take that leap and know that dying to ourselves and stepping out on faith will NEVER lead us down the wrong path. In fact, I believe that by choosing the harder less traveled road we will reach a level of peace and happiness would would never attain any other way. So, will you take that leap of faith or will you settle for what we as humans can handle.